chapter 2 - here we go again

Epov




The airport was busy for a Thursday afternoon, I expected a lot of men or women in suits flying to and from places on business, but today I all could fucking see were families and couples everywhere. Fathers were chasing their sons around the seats with a toddler dangling from his arms like an extra body apart waiting to fall off, the mothers were checking in their handbags making sure they had all their passports, tickets, baby wipes, while the children were too excited to sit in one place so they would jump from chair to chair irritating their parents every 5 minutes asking if that was their plane over this way or that way.



Looking around my seat, boredom was fucking kicking in when I spotted a brown haired little boy about 10 years old sitting against the window looking at all the planes outside while a blonde girl sat next to him reading a book. The scene before me was so familiar, that little boy was me a few years ago. I felt the longing in my heart when I think about how my family had gone on so many holidays with Bella's family. Every year our families would join together, pick somewhere hot with a big beach and lots of water sports and we would all fly out together. We'd spend two of the best weeks together enjoying the sunshine and water which was something that rarely happened in folks, well the sunshine at least, there was plenty of fucking water around with the forks weather.



I remember our holiday in California when things first changed between me and Bella.



" Edward come on, I want to get on a sports ride man," Emmett yelled at me, I had agreed to spend the day trying out all the water sports rides that was available, now that I was fifteen, 5ft 6in and still growing I was allowed on most of the rides. I was excited to try them out, I had watched Emmett for the last three year go on rides that was I was either too short or young to go on and now I can go on anyone I want, but Bella was still really small and a lot younger than me therefore she would be refused the rides. She said that she didn't care, that she wanted to go shopping and sunbath by the beach but I knew Bella and even though she is a girl, she doesn't like shopping unless it was in a book stores so I knew that she was lying.



"Edward, come on."



"What about Bella, we can't leave her on her own Em," I questioned the guilt sitting in my stomach.



"Bella's fine, she wouldn't like them anyway, come on." I finally agreed and went grumpily with him, I felt really guilty, leaving my best friend behind.



We had spent hours trying out all the rides that were there and eventually we went back to the hotel when we had ran out of money.



My skin felt hot and tingly from the sun, I knew that this was the start of my sunburn I just hope that it is to bad that I get sunstroke. I didn't want to spent the rest of my holiday sick.



"Ah your back Edward, how's was your day son?" My father asked from the sofa that was in the hotel family room. He was leaning down with my mother beside him watching some Spanish show.



"It was good dad, I think I got sunburn though" I answered him while trying to look at my back in the main mirror.



"How many times do I have to remind you to kept applying sunscreen, you don't want skin cancer Edward?" My father signed and ran his hand through his blonde hair, it was a habit that I had picked up on when I worried or nervous.



"I did put some on dad; I guess I never put on enough. I'm gonna go take a shower,"



I didn't wait for them to reply, I really wasn't in the mood for my father's lecture on skin cancer again. Sometime it was great haven your father as the local doctor but often he would lecture me about shit like how unhealthy I was eating McDonalds all the time instead of a healthy meal or that smoking was the number one source for cancer. I loved my dad, I wanted to be doctor just like him but I promised myself that I would leave the doctor in hospital and be Edward at home when I was older. My son can eat all the McDonalds he wanted, hell I will be there eating them with him.



I quickly ran a cool shower and slowly stepped in, the water burned on my skin, cooling down the sunburn. My mind drafted off to Bella, I felt really guilty for leaving her alone. I know she said she didn't mind but I also know that Bella would say anything if she thought it would make other people happy. Maybe I could make it up to her, spend tomorrow with her, doing anything she wanted to do, yeah that's what I'll do, make her pick something that she really wants to do and I would do it with her.



I was thinking about the plan that had formed in my head while I got out the shower, dried my body and wrapped the towel around my waist. I started humming a tune that had started to build in my head for the last couple of days, I didn't know what it was but I knew that I had to get down on paper as soon as I got home.



I stopped still when I opened the bathroom door. Bella was sitting on the edge of my bed, her long hair was tied in a high pony tail and she was wearing a pair of denim jeans and a white t-shirt. She looked adorable, she always looked adorable to me even on Sundays when we would sat around and watch Friends on the TV and she was in her holey sweats and her dads t-shirt.



"Hey," I mumbled quietly.



"Hey" she answered. "Your mum told me to tell you to be ready in an hour."



"Ok,"



I walked over to my suitcase and pulled out a pair of jeans and t-shirt.



"Can you wait here for a sec, I want to talk to you about something." She nodded her head and I hurried back into the bathroom to get dressed.



Bella was still sitting on the bed when I went back into my room so I sat beside her. I don't know why I was suddenly so nervous, it was only Bella, she was my best friend but right now something was different and I didn't know what it was. It was like this earlier, or yesterday or even the day before when she stayed over at my house and we both fell asleep on the couch and I woke up the next morning with her head on my chest and our legs wrapped around each other.



"I'm sorry I left you on your own today," I blurted out.



"It's ok, I never excepted you to hang out with all the time Edward, I'm glad you got to have fun with Emmet."



I watched as she bit in her bottom lip, something was worrying her, she always bite her lips when she was worried.



"If you're ok with it, than what's wrong?"



She let out a deep sign. I could feel my heart beat speed up and hands started to sweat, what the hell was wrong with me. I couldn't shake the tension in the room and I have no idea why it was even there.

She finally looked at me, her deep brown eyes stared at me and I felt a chill run down my spine. It was like she was looking into my soul searching for something. The feeling in my stomach and they way she was looking at me was starting to scare the crap out of me.



"Bella, what is it?"



"Can you kiss me please?" What? Kiss her?



"Kiss you?" I asked, my eyes were wide with shock. I don't know what shocked me more, the fact that Bella - my best friend, who I had knew my whole life, who I used to share a bath with, - wants me to kiss her or the fact that I realized that I really wanted to kiss her.



" I made some friends today, they are my age and well, they were talking about what boys they have kissed and what it was like. I didn't know what to say to them as I've never kissed a boy, I mean really kissed a boy, not like the kiss we give each other at Christmas and they made it sound like it was good and fun. I really want to try it and I don't want just anyone to be my first kiss Edward…"



She looked at me from under her eyelashes, her eyes pleading with me. I don't know why or where these feelings had suddenly came from but I really wanted to say yes to her.



"I want it to be with you."



" I don't know Bella, I want to, I really want to, but what if your dad find out, he has a gun and I'm fifteen almost sixteen Bella and your only Thirteen, I don't think your dad well…" I was rumbling until she placed her small finger over my mouth. I suddenly wanted to kiss her finger, taste her. Well my hormones are alive and kicking today.



God Charlie is going to fucking kill me.



"My dad doesn't need to know and you're not that much older, Emmett kissed Rose and he's a little older than you are."



"What? When?"



"Christmas, Rose told me,"



"Oh, I still don't know" I was nodded my head trying to get the perverted thoughts out of my head.



"I trust you Edward; I want my first real kiss to be with you, not some stupid boy I don't know"



"What boy?" I asked her with venom in my voice. I didn't want any other boy kissing my Bella.



My Bella?



"Sam, one of the boys that I meet today, he asked if he could kiss me." I watched as she licked her lips, making them all kissable.



I looked her straight in the eyes.



"Are you sure?" I asked, I want to make sure that she really wanted this. She nodded her head, never taking her eyes from mine. I could see the honest and lust behind them. She really wanted me, Bella wanted to kiss me. My heart leapt at the thought of Bella wanting me, only me.

For the first time I had butterflies in my stomach, I had kissed a few girl before but I had never had these type of feeling before.



I looked at her lips, than her eyes and she done the same. I slowly moved my head closer to her, Bella copy my moves until I could feel her lips pressed against mine. There was a warm burning feeling flowing through my body, making me feel alive. I had no idea what it was but I wanted more off it. I pulled away and looked at Bella making sure she was okay, she just looked at me, smiled and looked at lips again. I didn't have a chance to think about anything before her lips were back onto mine; this time they started moving with each other. The burning feeling was getting stronger and than Bella moaned. She moaned in mouth and suddenly my teenage hormones were in overdrive, fighting to get some release.



I'm not sure how long we continued to kiss like this but I wanted more. I wanted to taste her, feel her tongue against mine.



"Bella" I whispered in to her as we pulled apart to take a quick breath.



"Edward." she whispered back to me and push her lips back onto mine again. I pulled her body closer to mine and ran my tongue along her bottom lip, silently asking if she wanted more. She grabbed me tightly by the hair, opened her mouth and pushed her tongue passed my teeth and touched the top of my tongue with hers. a moan escaped my mouth this time before I could control it, this feel so good.



I had let her take the lead, as she had never done this before and I wanted her to explore me, show me what she wanted. However a little guidance didn't hurt, so I gentle wrapped my tongue around her and than sucked on her bottom lips. A louder moan escaped her mouth making my heart do cartwheels. I could feel myself getting harder with her body being so close, I had to stop before it got out of control but fuck this felt so amazing I never wanted it to end. But if I wanted to live I had to stop.



I gentle pulled away from her, resting my forehead on hers, trying to control my breath.



"Bella, baby," I whispered to her, I didn't really know what to say. How do you tell your best friend who is three years younger that they have just gave you the kiss of your life. That your body is screamer for more, without feeling like a pervert or scaring her away.



"That was amazing Edward, Thank you." She ran her hand along my cheek and in that moment I knew things had changed for us. I knew that she want me, I could see in her eyes.



I spent the next year and half stealing little kisses like that from her, I made sure that they didn't go any further than just kisses. She was too young, too innocent. But one new years eve when Bella was fifteen and I was eighteen I approached Charlie half an hour before midnight and admitted that I was in love with his daughter.



He laughed at me and told me that he already knew that but we would talk about later. I told him I wanted to tell her and kiss her at the bells, he just nodded his head and repeated "just a kiss" to me, I knew that was my warning from him. At midnight I asked Bella to officially be my girlfriend and kissed her, showing her everything I felt for her.



There were no more innocent kisses after that night.I had finished two packets if skittles while I had taken my trip down memory lane.



I put the third packet in my pocket for on the plane. The little boy and girl had gone when I looked over to where they had been. I hope that boy's life doesn't hold the same fate as I mine, I wouldn't wish for this fucking life on anyone. Well I could think of a few little shits. I took a deep breath, I really wanted to stay calm while I make the trip but truthfully I fucking tired from of building myself up in hope of some good news about Bella only for it to be shattered when nothing has been found.



I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket so I pulled it out and read the text quietly.



I'm here



I looked up at the main doors and smiled at her, watching her golden blonde hair dangled around her shoulders, while resting on top of her checked shirt as she approached me.



"Let me get that."



I grabbed the large fucking girly holdall that she was carry around with her. I never understood why she would pack so much shit for one night, two at the most, but as she reminded me, so many times is that she is a girl and girls need more shit.



"Thanks Edward, where are going this time?" she asked, her voice sounded tired. I looked closely at her, she had dark circles under her eyes and her face was pale, very pale.



" Em, San Francisco," I paused well she just nodded her head, she really did looked too pale.



"Rose, are you feeling ok?"



She signed "Yeah I'm fine,"



I did not believe her, her eyes looked sad and her face was drawn, as if she had been up all night worrying about something. I arched my right eyebrow to let know I wasn't buying her story.



"I don't want to talk about it right now sweets," she gave me a small smile asking me to leave her alone. So I did. For now.



We made it to San Francisco almost three hours later. The sky was getting dark and my body was getting tired but my mind was alive. A thousand different scenarios were forming in my head of what I may find tonight. What if this girl is Bella? Than what? Do I ask Charlie to fly over or do I send the body over to forks. What if it isn't Bella? Do I keep looking for her while I'm here? My mind was thinking of practical solutions while my heart felt like it breaking again from the idea of that dead girl being Bella.



We checked into the Millbrae California Green Hotel as it was the closes hotel to the fucking airport that had rooms available at short notice. I just wanted to get to the hospital and get this shit over with. We had done this so many time before that I was good at blocking out the event, but somehow today it was different. I was scared shitless, I was terrified that this feeling may mean that it is Bella this time, that my gut was wrong and I'll never get her back.



"Good evening sir," an older woman asked.



I signed and nodded my head in disgust, this women was about forty. She looked good for her age with her long blonde hair and glassy eyes but she was about the same age as my mother. She had a twinkle in her eye and licked her lips at me, staring me. I knew the signs, women would hit on me all the time but I really was not in the mood for this shit. The fact the Rosalie was standing next to me, her small hand linked with mine obviously meant nothing to the women behind the desk.



"Cullen," I grunted at her, trying not to make eye contact.



"Oh yes, here we are, Cullen, room 32." Rose stepped in front of me, grabbed our keys and gives the women a huge dazzling smile.



"Come on honey, let's go to our room." She emphasized the word our and I just smiled at the women as a scowl appeared on her face.



"Lead the way baby."



The room was small but cozy, there was large king side bed in the middle of the room with bedside cabinets at each side. The walls were beige with a painting above the bed.

I placed our bags on the desk in front of me and turn around to find Rose sitting on the edge of the bed putting her hair into a high ponytail. I stared at her for a couple minutes.

There was no doubt that Rose was a beautiful women, she was tall, curvy, blonde and had a passion for cars. She can bring any man to his knees and was unbelievably loyal to the people she loved.



I was gratefully to say that she is my best friend. It still amazes me how much things change. Rosalie used to hate me; she was Bella's best friend and was never shy in telling us how much she disapproved of our relationship.



But now she is the only person who stood by me in everything I did. She supported when I changed my major and never judged my reasons for doing it. She has joined me in every trip I have taken to find Bella. She was the only person that sat besides my hospital bed all-night waiting for me to wake after I tried to fucking end my life. She was the one who broke my nose when she found a bag of coke in my flat. She was the one who was with me when I brought Tanya home for the first time. Tanya is one that made me feel something again; she makes me want to live, to love. Rosalie was the one guiding me, supporting me, believing in me, listening to me cry about my heartache.



Rosalie was always the strong one in our relationship.



But right now she looked weak and vulnerable; she didn't look like Rose I knew.



I moved and sat beside her, placing my arm around her waist so she would try to move away.



"Rose?"



She turned and looked at me, her big blue eyes was glassing over with tears.



"Talk to me. We're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on."



She signed and wiped the tears that had fallen. She whispered something so low I couldn't hear.



"What?"



Still not looking at me she answered, a little louder this time.



"I'm pregnant."



"Pregnant? Rose look at me please,"



She lifted her head and turned toward. Pregnant? I'm sure my face showed how shocked I was. But I tried to keep my emotion in check.



"Why are crying? Don't you want this?" I asked



" agh, I do. I've always wanted kids you know that, but I wanted to be married first, with a job and house." She pulled away from my arms and started to pace the tiny floor in front of me.

" How am I going to look after a baby Edward, I'm still at college, I don't have any money and I live in a dorm with three other girls."



"Who's the dad?" I asked, Rose wasn't the type of girls who would just sleep with a guy because she felt like it. So I had an idea who it was and I was praying I was wrong.



The look on her face told me that I wasn't



"For fuck sake Rose, after everything he's done." I was trying not to shout at her, she was upset enough.



"He changed?"



"Really, have you fucking told him?" She just nodded her head, telling me she hadn't told him.



"Why not. If he's changed so fucking much than why have you not told him you're pregnant?" I yelled at her.



"I thought he had changed his mind about us, I thought he wanted to get back together." She yelled back at me, a sob escaping her.



"He told me that he was sorry, that he still loved me but didn't want to be with me." Her voice breaking at the end. I moved across to her and wrapped my arms around her. I knew she still love Emmett, he was to her what Bella was to me. I never understood why he dumped her when he needed her the most and has continued to push her away every since.



"Shh, it will be ok, I promise."



"Can we talk about this later; we need to get to the hospital right now." She mumbled into my chest. I ran my hand up and down her back hoping to comfort her in some way.



" Ok, we will talk about this later, everything will be ok. I promise Rose." I looked at her in the eyes, my green on her blue, making sure she knew how serious I was. She nodded her head again that she understood.



"I'm just going to wash my face than we can go."



I now hated fucking hospitals, the smell, the coldness, even the sound of everyone fucking shoes got on my nerves.



I no longer believed it to be a place for people to heal, for doctors to save lives or for children to be brought into the world.



Now it was a building that was full of individuals dying, leaving the world. For families to be rip apart or lives to be stolen from them.



It was the place that I now feared the most.



My biggest fear was that it would be here in a hospital where I would have to say goodbye to my love. Going through these doors to find her laying lifeless body laying on the table. I thought it would get easier they more I did this, but every time I stood outside the doors, I found it harder to walk through them.



I paced outside the door where I knew the girl - which Jenks believes to be my Bella- lay behind.



My hands felt hot and sweaty and the nausea is rolling around in my stomach waiting for the exit sign to my throat. My mind was praying that it was not her, that I could spend at least one more day believing she was out there, alive.



After about half an hour after we arrived we walked through the door. I always called them the doors of destruction, no matter who was behind that door; somebody was losing a loved one. Someone's life was being destroyed. Please don't let it be mine.



Rose grabbed my hand squeezing it hard. I knew this was just has hard for her, Bella was like a sister to Rose, over the last four years she has become like sister to me and I was fucking grateful she was here.



I stared at the glass window, waiting for the curtains to open. My body felt so heavy, so heavy that it was almost falling to the ground. I squeezed Rose hand tighter trying to hold onto something that was real because this didn't feel real. It never did.



"Edward, breath." Rose whispered into my ear.



I closed my eyes really tight and started to take deep breath. I felt like I was drunk, my body was shaken and my head felt like it was swaying as if I was standing on a boat. I guess it was also like I was floating, but I couldn't get of the ground as my body was weighting me down. I was always nervous and always felt nausea in my stomach when I viewing a body, the feelings were almost the same as when you are waiting for the dentist to pull your teeth out or the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach as you wait for the big drop on the rollercoaster rides.



But this feeling was more, it was deeper and it was scaring the shit out of me.



"Edward, are you going to be ok?"



I just nodded my head; I was scared the nausea would have finally made its way to my throat.



"The curtains are opening" she informed me.



I could this. It is not Bella, it is not Bella.



I felt Rose gasp and throw her head into my chest which made my eyes fly open.



There laying a cold table was a young girl about nineteen, twenty. Long brown hair that was flowed down the side of her body. Her face was pale and innocent, she looked like she was sleeping. I could see the bruises around her neck. She had been murdered, someone had marked her body.



I felt a burn in my stomach building as I stared that the girl, it was grew stronger the longer I stared.



I wanted to scream but I couldn't move my body, all of it was shaken.



It felt like I was standing there for hours even though it was only minutes, maybe even seconds.



My brain was telling me to look away but my eyes refused to move, freezing my body in place.



That changed the moment that burning and the nausea began to become too much and turned around pulling away from Rosalie and threw up in the corner of the room.