Please Remember Me: May 2010

Chapter one
Epov

" Dada, Dada," she called to me. Her big chocolate eyes staring at me, pleading me. I didn't know what she was pleading for, but I knew in my heart that I would give it to her. I stared at her in shock as a wide crooked smile matching my own appeared on her face. I could not help but smile back at her. My heart swelled as I took in her features, her long copper hair flowing down the back of her small body. God, she was beautiful.

This couldn't be real, could it?

"Dada, up?" she held her small milky arms in the air from her body. I stared at her in confusion.

Dada? Me?

" Dada, up please" she asked again. Her voice was so sweet and her eyes begging me to hold her, how could I refuse this angel. I picked her up and held her tight against my chest. I could not take my eyes away from her. My daughter. God, I have dreamed about this for years; having a family, a daughter with the woman I have been in love with since I was six years old. The little girl placed her head into my neck and her small hand on my cheek. She giggled, the cutest little giggle I have ever heard.

" Love you," she whispered into my ear then giggled again.

"I love you, angel," I whispered back to her, knowing in my heart that I loved this girl. Just like I knew that she was my daughter there was no doubt in my mind that she wasn't mine and I knew exactly who her mother was too, she looked so much like her.

"There you are."

I froze, thinking it couldn't be.

"Dinner is ready, you two."

I turned my body to face the most beautiful woman it'd ever seen. Yes, she was a woman now, not a teenage girl anymore. I felt my heart jump out of my chest, she stood at the door frame with her arms folded across her chest, her long brown hair thick and shiny flowed down her back in natural waves. Her heart shaped face was glowing with the biggest smile and her eyes, her eyes were sparking. God, I missed her.

I smiled my crooked smile at her knowing the effect it had on her. My daughter held me tighter, another giggle escaping into my neck.

"Bella," I whispered, still staring at her.

"Did you have a good sleep?" she asked as she walked closer to me.

"Anthony kept asking me to wake you so that you can play Halo with him," she laughed. Anthony, my son. I had a son?

I held the little girl in one arm and pulled Bella to my chest with the other. She wrapped an arm around my waist and the other went to my cheek, just like our daughter had done a few minutes ago.

"God, I missed you so much, Bella" I whispered in to her ear, my voice almost broke when I said her name. I looked at her smiling face, then back at my daughter's, then back at Bella's again. They looked so much alike. My hand involuntary reached to her neck and pulled her to me. The moment my lips touched her, the electric spark that I remembered flowed through my body. I could feel the tears form in my eyes as my lips moved with hers

"I love you so much," I whispered into her mouth.

"I love you, too, handsome." I smiled at her, the biggest smile appearing on my face and in that moment I felt whole, I felt complete the first time in four years. I closed my eyes and crashed my lips to hers again. I could still feel my daughter's hand on my face, but I could not pull away from Bella, it had been so long since I had her in my arms. I wanted to taste her so much, I pulled her tighter to me as I ran my tongue along her bottom lips. She opened her mouth and I pushed my tongue into her mouth. But I could not taste her. I tightened my grip on her again, pulling her closer, but I still could not taste her. I suddenly realized that couldn't feel her body anymore either. I started to panic as I felt her slipping away.

"Bella," I whispered, praying that she could hear me.

"Bella, please," I whispered again as I opened my eyes to find that my nightmare had come true, she was gone. I heard my daughter's giggle, but as I turned to look at her she was gone too. My arms suddenly felt really empty without my girls.

"Bella!" I shouted. But there was only blackness in front of me

"Beellaa!" I yelled louder spinning round in a circle. "No, no, Bella, please no, Bella!"

I could feel all my energy draining from my body. I fell to my knees, crying: "No, no, not again!" The words came out as a sob while tears fell from my eyes.

"Please come back!" I begged. "Bella, come back,"

"Beeellaaaaa!" I yelled as I jumped from my bed. "BELLA!" I sobbed into my empty bedroom, tears still falling down my cheek.

"You son of a bitch, fucking son of a bitch!" I continued to yell while punching my pillows. I knew it had been too good to be true. I have had many dreams about Bella before, but that was the first one that had my daughter in it. My daughter. My heart ached for the little girl I would never have. Everything I ever wanted was right there in my arms, then in a split second it was taken away from me.

I lay back onto my bed and crawled into the fetal position, "Bella," I whispered as I clung to my pillow and cried myself back into a dreamless sleep.

Beep, beep, beep.

"Urgh," I mumbled while I pulling my hand from under the covers patting the air trying to find the fucking alarm.

Beep, beep, beep

"Fuck!" I pulled my head up slowly, opening my eyes to find the source of the fucking noise and shut it up. 6:30am flashed in front of my eyes. I moved my hand quickly and pushed the alarm clock with all the strength I had at this time in the morning. I was angry, I was angry every morning, but I was even more then usual this morning after that fucking dream. So I wasn't surprised when the alarm clock and the lamp fell and smashed against the floor. Well, at least it shut the fucking thing up.

A groan escaped my mouth so burned myself back into my bed.

I fucking hated the morning!

I hated them as much as I hated the nights. There were the two hardest parts of my day, those were the times when the pain was uncontrollable. It would start in my stomach and slowly take over my whole body to the point where I could not move. I would just lie there and stare at the ceiling praying that Bella was lying next to me. I would think of what would happen if I found her. When she would see me, run into my arms and tell me that she loved me, that she missed me and that she would never leave me again. Then I would bring her home and make love to her all night long. I would ask her to marry me, she would say yes and we would live happy ever after. But every night for the past four years that never happened and I still ended up in my bed alone and in more pain than the day before.

Yeah, I really fucking hated the mornings.

I finally dragged my arse out of bed, I showered , dressed and made my way to work. My job was is my life line. It is the only thing in my life that kept me functioning every day.

I had always wanted to follow my father footsteps since I was a little boy, I would go to the hospital with him and follow him around with a plastic stethoscope around my neck and help him make sick people better. When I got to high school I took all the right classes and worked hard hoping to make it to Harvard medical school, just like my father did.

Bella was really happy with my career choice, she would help me study and encourage me to achieve my dreams. All of my dreams disappeared the same fucking day she disappeared. I spent months just walking around like a zombie, I never fucking slept or ate, my father would force me to eat shit by threaten to send me to hospital if I didn't. He knew that if I was sent away that I couldn't look for Bella. I did as he asked, and somehow made it through the rest of college.

Everything reminded me of her, of us; the restaurant down the street where we had our first real date, the park across from my parents where we use to play when we were kids, the meadow where we first made love. It was our special place that no-one knew about, now it was an empty field without her. I refused to talk to anyone or go anywhere so eventually people stopped talking to me or inviting to parties and stuff. I walked around every day in my own world, worrying about my girl. I soon sank into a deep depression that no-one could get me out off.

At the end of my first semester at Harvard, I had decided that I wanted to join the FBI. I knew my father would be disappointed but at the time, I didn't give a shit. When I told my parents that I was joining the FBI I thought they would be mad, but my mother just cried and told me that she was just happy that I was doing something with my life. My father was disappointed, as I knew he would be, he knew the reason I wanted to join the FBI was because it was job that would teach skills that I needed to find Bella.

So I changed my major to Law and went to visit Charlie to tell him what I wanted to do. To say that he was very happy when I told him that I wanted to become an FBI Agent would have been an understatement, he spent that afternoon telling what I needed to do and stories about his training, I loved spending with Charlie, I spent every Sunday morning fishing with him when I was a kid and all through high school. However he still gave the father’s talk about dating his daughter when I asked him if I could take Bella out for our first official date and he still introduced me to his gun even though I had saw it a million times growing up. But he knew that I would take care of Bella and not hurt her in anyway so he allowed me to date her. Most father would not let their 15 years old daughter date a boy that was 3 years older than her no matter how well he knew him so I was very grateful that Charlie trusted me enough to be with Bella, but I’m sure if he knew that I had been stealing kisses from her since she was 13 he won’t have been so trusting.

Charlie mentioned to pull a few strings and got me a job with the local police office near campus and I worked there all through college, he even showed up at my graduation telling me that he was proud of me and even though Bella wasn’t here, she would be proud of the man I had become and in that moment, I knew I had gained another father in Charlie.

However everything changed when I was assigned to a case where a couple had been murdered and a little girl had been kidnapped. I spent days interviewing suspects, witnesses, following up clues, gaining evidence. It took me almost 10 days until I found her. Her parents had got into money trouble and borrowed money from a shark loan. When they could not pay the money back they were killed and their daughter was taken as payment so they could introduce her into the child slavery world. I have never felt as important as the day I found her laying on a dirty mattress in an empty garage. I had finally found something where I could make a difference in the world, and when I carried that little girl and whispered to her that she was safe and I would take care of her, I knew that this job was what I was meant to do.

I couldn't help but feel that Bella would be proud of me and what I achieved. My father told me he was proud of me that day too, and that he was sorry for not supporting me like he should have. I felt a little part of me come back alive that day, it was no longer just a job that would help me find Bella, it was a job where I could save people that were taken from their life.

I could be the person to find them and give them their life back. I grew to enjoy and love my job. But it was still not enough to take away my pain or my depression.
I grabbed some coffee, a bagel and made my way to work. The routine was fucking robotic, the same streets I walked on, the same shops I passed by I couldn't tell what the hell they sold, I really didn't give a shit either. I crossed the same road towards my work building not bothering to check the traffic lights, a car hitting me would make my shitting day a bit more interesting.

I finally made it into my work building and pushed my arse through their giant doors. I didn't understand why they felt like they needed huge, heavy glass doors that took forever to push open. they weren't a fucking bank, no one was going to come into an FBI building and make a scene. I nodded my head trying to clear the stupidity of the idea out of my head.

"Good morning, Agent Cullen." Heidi squeaky voice flowed into my ears, I couldn't be arsed answering her, I just raised my hand above my head to let her know that I heard her and made my way to the elevators. The ride was quick and quiet - just the way I like them. I pulled the baseball cap that I wore further down, covering my eyes. I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I kept my head down and stared at my black Nikes.

I got to my office quickly and no one fucking bothered me. Truthfully, they never do. I had gained the bad boy reputation over the years between smashing my office a few times, banging random girls and punching more co-workers than criminals. I had become unapproachable to many people and that suited me fine.

I settled into my office chair and heard the annoying sounds of stilettos wondering around outside my office. I blocked the sound out of my head and looked around my office. I had grown to love my office over the last couple of years. I felt more at home here than I did in my own apartment. The bright, white walls gave the room as sense of calm, my mother had insisted that she got to decorate it and she'd done a great job. It was simple, but stylish with a cherry oak desk, leather chair and a few filing cabinets in it. My office was small but big enough for me, my mom had put my diploma, my degree and my training certificates in frames and hung them on my wall. There wasn't really space for anything else.

I sat back in my chair, put my feet on my desk, my hands behind my head and stared out of the small window into the dull streets of Seattle. It was nothing special, it isn't a grand view or anything but it was enough for me, enough to remind me that I still existed in this city, that I stilled lived in this fucked up world. I would spend endless hours in this position staring out into the dull streets. I would watch people pass in hope that maybe luck was on my side for a change and I would see my girl. Just hoping that she would pass my window, proving right what my heart kept telling me. But she never did, and at the end of every day, I closed the blinds and all the hope I had that day died.

So, I would go to the nearest bar, get drunk and look for the next slut to fuck senseless.

There were three items in my office that I loved and hated at the same time - three sliver photo frames, standing next to my computer. The smallest one had a photo of me and my parents when I was three years old. It was Christmas morning, the first one where my father had been present when I woke up, usually he would have to work and wouldn't get home until later in the afternoon. I stared at my father in the picture. He looked so much younger, his hair bright blonde and his eyes a deep shade of blue, filled with happiness, with my mother sitting next to him. Her hair, which is the same bronze color as mine, was loose and in waves down her shoulder, her eyes sparkling green, also like my own. The only thing that was the same between us now was our eyes. My mother's appearance had changed a lot over the years, so had my father's. In the picture I sat on my mother's knee, holding on to my first guitar, my smile matching my fathers. I guess I had changed a lot since that photo as well, I still had the same hair and eyes but I was older, taller and thinner now. I also don't play the guitar.

The most recent photo was a picture of Tanya and me with huge cheesy smiles on our faces and massive ice-cream cones in our hands. That was the day I told her that I would take care of her, that she would be in my life forever. That was the first day that I had told another girl that I loved her. I had only said that to one other girl, but I knew in my heart that when Bella finally met Tanya she would understand.

The last photo was the one I cherished most, but it was also one that stabbed my fucking heart every time I looked at it. It was sliver with two photos in it, the top half held a picture of Bella and me from my 8th birthday party. We laid on our stomachs, on the grass in my mother's back yard. I was wearing my favorite mariner's t-shirt, my bronze hair was sticking out in every direction and I had a wide crooked smile on my face. I had my arm around Bella's shoulder, pulling her close to me. She had her head resting on my chest, her long brown hair flowing down her side. She was also wearing a mariners t-shirt, her smile shy, but her big brown shining with happiness and amusement while holding a long sunflower at her nose. I remember that was the day when Bella gave me a voucher for piano lessons and I realized right then that not only was she my best friend, but that one day she would also be my wife, just like my mum was to my dad. I didn't fully understand what that meant at the age of eight, I just knew it meant that she would live with me and I would take care of her and she would make me dinner just like my mum did. But I never understood that at that moment I had just given away a part of myself to a pretty 5year old girl that would disappear years later, taken that piece of me with her.

In the bottom half of the frame was a picture from Bella's 16th birthday party, the day before she disappeared. It was also taken in my mother's back yard and we were also laying on the grass, but this time I was leaning against a tree with Bella in front of me. My arms were wrapped around her holding her close to me. The only difference between the two pictures was that Bella was playing with the necklace I had given her that day, and our eyes were not only filled with happiness, they were also full of love. That was the day I gave her my whole heart and she gave me hers. We had taken the next step in our relationship, joining us in a way that we had never been before, completing each other in a way I never knew existed. That was the best day of my life, quickly followed by the worst.

In the middle was the word ' forever' in big 3D letters joining the two pictures together. There were days where I really wanted to throw that frame out of the window, it was a constant reminder of what had been taken from me, of what I no longer deserved. It was like a truck running over my body every time I looked at it, especially today after that fucking dream.

I sighed and started listening to the mumbles outside my office, everyone going about their day. The sound of the stilettos caught my attention again, they were getting closer to my office. I waited to see if she would enter. She didn't disappoint. I watched my door open and close slowly. Heidi locked the door behind and made her way slowly towards my desk.

"I brought you coffee, sir," she said, licking her lips seductively at me. I stared at her, my expression blank, I knew what she was here for but I was not going to play mind games with her. I don't do that shit. She eventually placed the cup of coffee on my desk, leaned forward placing her hands flat on the desk so that her fucking plastic tits were right in front of my face.

"I thought you could use a treat, you work very hard and deserve a break."

Her eyes were hooded and shining with lust. Heidi was attractive, I had to admit that, but she was also the most fake woman I have ever been with. The only part of her body that I thought were real were her feet, but it wouldn't surprise me if she that had a bit of work done to them.

"I think I do, too." I answered her cheesy pick up lines while moving my chair back from the desk, making room for her. She understood my actions perfectly and moved around the desk, swaying her hips until she stood in front of me.

Heidi smiled at me, probably remembering the last time we were in this situation. We had been here so many times before, sometimes I would bend her over my desk and pound into her like a mad man, other times I would make her pleasure herself while I fucked her mouth, that way she got off without me having to take care of it. I was a selfish prick, but I could honestly put my hand on my heart and say I didn't give a shit.

"On your knees!" I commanded. I didn't really like Heidi as a person, she was manipulative, materialistic and basically a total bitch. But, fuck she knew how to work her mouth, and if she wanted to please me then who was I to refuse her?

She sat on her knees, running one of her fake nails along my dick while staring at me under her dark eyelashes. I drew in a breath, so she did it again. What fuck was this?

I raised one eyebrow at her questioningly. "I'm not in a fucking patient mood, Heidi, get to it already." My tone was low, but harsh, so that she knew that I wasn't joking. She just smiled at me, licked her lips and answered: "Yes, sir."

She finally made quick work on my jeans and released my dick. I was hard and throbbing and when she licked the tip, I could not stop a groan from escaping my mouth.

"God, I love your fucking cock, it's so big and thick, mmm," she licked the pre-cum around the tip again. I didn't want her to talk, so I grabbed her hair tightly and pushed her head towards my dick roughly, she opened up and began her magic.

"Fuck!" I grunted. Heidi started bobbing up and down, sucking on me tightly. I threw my head back and closed my eyes trying to enjoy the warm fuzzy feeling in my body and the warmth of her mouth. She started moaning and humming around my dick, but she had only taken a third of me in her mouth when I knew she can take all of me.

"Take it all!" I demanded, pushing my dick further in her mouth, she gagged a little at first, then relaxed, allowing me to hit the back of her throat. "That's it, take all of me in that warm fucking mouth."

I still needed more so I bucked my hips making her me go further down her throat. And fuck, that felt good, I had never been be so deep in anyone's mouth before. Other women would usually gag and complain that I was too big, but Heidi just moaned in pleasure. Soon she was pumping and sucking me, while I was thrusting roughly up into her mouth creating the prefect friction. I would have worried that I was being too rough with her, but I knew she liked it that way and by the moans she was making I knew she was fine.

A few minutes later I shot my load quickly in her mouth and gave her a fake promise to return the favor later. She blew me a kiss goodbye and walked out my office with a smirk that told me she was pleased with her work.

I turned on my computer, opened up the files on my desk and once again buried myself in the thing I loved.

***********************************************************************************

"Hey, I got a lead on the McWilliams case," Jasper threw his arse into the chair opposite my desk. "What the hell are you wearing, Cullen? Where's your suit?
I just stared at the computer trying to block him out. All my suits were at the dry cleaners and I couldn't be arsed into collecting them this morning, so I'd thrown on jeans and a hoodie, hoping that I could just sit there and do paperwork all day. I had a feeling that was not going to happen.

"Aro wants us to follow it up," he continued sounding a bit too happy, "it's in Vegas," he added. "Are you listening to me?" He sighed when I didn't answer him.

I nodded once, the McWilliams case was a 27 years old man that disappeared last month. Everything about the case told us that he did not disappear, but had run away from his suffocating, rich parents. I hated a case that was a waste of time, I wanted to find people who wanted to come home, people who were taken from their loved ones - not arseholes who were too scared to tell their parents to fuck off.

"Do you want to go home, pack a bag and meet at the airport in about hour?" Jasper asked nodding his head while he talked making his long blonde bounce on his head.

"Okay, do you think we could squeeze a couple of days out of it, we could gamble the rest of my inheritance away, maybe hit a few bars, find a couple of sluts too…" I was cut off by the ringing of my phone. Irritated, I finally looked at Jasper to see him roll his grey eyes at me and silently laugh at my man whoring ramble.

"What?" I snapped into the phone.

"Mr. Cullen." My body suddenly tensed knowing the reason for this call.

"Jenks, what do have for me?"

I ignored Jasper's heavy sigh and wide eyes. He also knew what this call was about, and I could tell by his deep sighs that he was not happy about it.

"A body was found in San Francisco, sir." he answered with a hint of sadness in his tone. I had hired Jenks when I joined the FBI, so that someone was still looking for Bella when I couldn't. He was one of the best detectives on the state and he understood my desperation to find her.

"She fits all the categories, sir."

"Email me all the details right now, I'll be there later tonight." I sighed, running my hair through my bronze hair, making it stick out more than it was already, a habit I had whenever I was nervous or worried - and in this case it was both.

"Will do, sir." I ended the call and started booking two plane tickets to San Francisco. I could hear Jasper sighing while tapping his fingers on my desk, waiting for me to say something. But I continued to ignore him. Bella was more important.

Eventually I had enough of the glares from Jasper.

"Don't even start, Jazz, you know the drill when Jenks calls."

"I can't keep covering your arse Cullen, what am I meant to say to Aro this time?" he said. I just shrugged, not really caring what he told my boss. "Look, I know you're still grieving for this girl. but man, you're going to have to…"

"Grieving? She's not fucking dead Jazz." I glared at him, I was pissed now "She's out there somewhere, with God know what kind of sick bastard, waiting for me to find her, she's not dead." My breathing had grown heavy, she was not dead, my angel was out there, I could feel it in my gut and in my heart that she was still alive.

Jasper was still sitting calmly in his chair, glaring back at me.

"It's been four years Edward, how long are going hold onto her, well, your version of her."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"God Edward." he finally stood up from the chair, leaning against one of my filing cabinets. "Even if she is alive, and say you do find her, what then, huh?" he asked.

I finished booking my flights and shut down my computer. I answered him while packing up my stuff with a small smile on my face.

"Then, Jazz, I get to kill the bastard that took he from me, take her home and live happy ever after."

"This is not a fairy tale, Cullen," he snapped. "She will not be the same 16 year old girl you fell in love with.

He stared straight at me and a cold chill ran down my spine.

"What are you going to do when you find her and she doesn't want you? Or that she's so broken that she can't be with you, emotionally or physically."

I pinched the ridge of my nose with one hand and placed the other on my desk, trying to control my anger. I was furious. There was no way Bella would not want me, she loved me, I knew that, I would never doubt that, and I really did not need this right now.

"Even worse, what if she's happy where she is, Edward? Have you thought that maybe the reason you can't find her is because she doesn't want to be found and you're wasting your life living in this hole that you've created for yourself." His voice grew louder the more he rambled, which was just making me more angry. "Hell, maybe she wasn't kidnapped, maybe she had had enough of your whiny arse and baited to …"

My body suddenly flew at him, one of my hands went straight to his neck and grabbed his throat tightly while the other went to his chest, pinning him to the nearest wall.

"ENOUGH!" I yelled. My nostrils flared, my eyes were wide and full of rage. "I will fucking kill you if you talk about her like that again, I don't give a shit who you are, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

His body was still relaxed, and I could see the concern and worry in his eyes. He wasn't scared of me, he wasn't even shocked that I had him pinned to the wall by his throat. Why? I filled the information away to think about after, right now I had a flight to catch.

I let Jasper go and stormed out of my office, I didn't look back to see if he was okay, I really didn't give a fuck.
Who did he think he was talking to me like that?

He didn't fucking know her, he had never fucking met her and I was not going to let him stand there and tell me that my girl fucking left me.

He's lucky I didn't rip his throat out, that son of a bitch.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called the one person who did know her, who knew and understood me, the only person I needed right then and I knew she'd come with me, she always did.

Pages

Sunday 23 May 2010

Chapter one

Thursday 13 May 2010

chapter one teaser

Monday 3 May 2010

information and teaser